relief

you know those nights where you go to bed feeling like you got the snot kicked out of you emotionally physically and everything in between? that was me last night. but then today we went to the park and watched as the breeze swept the leaves off their braches into our hair and laps making my little one laugh as they landed on her face. I sat there listening to her babble to her dad about how happy she was and instantly, all was right in the world.

things making me smile today

fresh peonies from the famers market that smell heavenly

& the surprise of finding hundreds of fresh cherries on the tree 

right outside our apartment door and my cute husband climbing 

to the very tippy top to get the prettiest ones for his giddy wife.

life is good.

thoughts on baby

before i got pregnant, the thought of someone moving around

inside of me kind of gave me the weebiejeepies.

now it just feels like i have a secret code with my little girl

that no one else knows about.

we aren't saying much to each other, but it's like she is

just saying hi and letting me know she is still there.

just me and only me. i feel special.

(26.5 weeks)

i crocheted her a stuffed owl yesterday.

it was supposed to be a semester long project but it turned

into a blow off the whole day completely and work on that and only that.

it's got some issues and it's a little cross-eyed, 

but hopefully she knows her mom isn't perfect either but sure loves her a lot.

i don't really have anything to report but i feel a lot of peace.

i feel pretty privileged/inadequate to be carrying this baby and

hope and pray every day i don't mess something up.

a lot of people around me are pregnant or with new babies and

it's hard not to just feel like a number, but then if i really stop

and think about it, our little secret code, and our individual little

family that is so sacred and beautiful to me, 

i feel like the only number in the world that matters.

what i am most excited about: seeing matt as a dad. having him be

so supportive and so stinking excited means more to me than i could

ever have imagined.

all photos courtesy of my iphone. 

instagram: @taraphotographics

snow

it's been snowing.

a lot.

and having a big camera results in never

being in pictures together.

sad.

july

:)

give me your forever

i've been trying to teach my friend mette what i know about photography.

she took these and i edited them. she did pretty dang good huh??

it was interesting being on the other side of the camera for a change. :)

i love this man honest to goodness with all my heart and soul.

for no particular reason

i know this is a photography blog but i am just

really grateful so you guys get to hear about it. :)

i went to the temple with my husband the other day and

the cute old man at the front desk asked me how married life was.

i smiled and told him it was going well.

he then asked me if matt was a fast learner.

i laughed and said he does pretty good.

then with a big smile on his face, he looked me straight in
the eyes and told me not to give up on him.

i laughed and promised him i wouldn't.

i keep thinking about that and how powerful that really is.

it's just us forever and ever. no matter what. never giving up.

it's a promise we will keep for the rest of eternity.
i like that.

our marriage isn't perfect but i was thinking about

things that make it happy.

some are random and some obvious but they work for us. :)

1. be patient. so my husband isn't totally incredible at a few certain things

but he will always rub my feet when they hurt, laugh at my stupid jokes,

 and put on his jacket before he even hangs up the phone to go help 

a stranded friend in the middle of a freezing cold night without even a second 

thought. but sometimes those things that he is not so incredible at are easier to
focus on. but we are in this for the long haul. relax and give it time. cause honestly.. 

i am pretty sure we are equal on the "you're driving me crazy" scale. i need to give him
and myself time to learn and develop into that cute old couple holding
hands in the park who always say cute things about each other.

they have earned that love. we'll get there someday. we just can't give up.
and being relaxed and patient makes the journey a lot more enjoyable.

2. choose to laugh. this sounds weird but it helps! the last thing i want

to do after a long stressful day is allow myself to laugh at something that

isn't really that funny. but if i just allow myself to laugh at my husband's
lame joke, myself, locking us out of the house again and 

watching my husband climb through a tiny window, or the dang dog hair
i have to vacuum up for the 4 billionth time, life becomes a lot happier and
easier to cope with. no matter how painful or "fake" it was at first, it started
coming easier and easier and now we laugh a lot. every single day.
and i like that.

3. your spouse is the hottest person who ever has lived, is living, 
and ever will live.

my husband told me when we were dating that he didn't want to hear which

celebrities i thought were attractive. at first i thought he was a little crazy, but

he doesn't ask for much, so i decided to go with it. i have come to LOVE it. i

know there are hotter people than me out there but for all i know, my husband

has no idea they exist. my mom used to ask us all the time if we were
"helping or hurting". hearing about how other people are attractive might
not really seem like a big deal but it's definitely not helping. at the
beginning i would catch myself almost saying something all the time
and now when i see girls googling over guys on pinterest or at the mall,
all i can think of is how dang good looking my husband is and how i am
lucky to have him. there may be sexier men out there but for all i know,
mine is #1. i am sure of it.

i am a firm believer that you can be as in love as you want to be.

you can train your mind to do anything. if i can learn and train my mind

to understand and pass my chemistry class, i can train my mind and heart

to love as deeply as i want to. but just like that chem class, it's going to take
a lot of time. i am still pretty new at this marriage thing when looking at the
big picture but if these things make us happy now,
they should work forever right?

i know this post was way too lengthy and if you are still reading, you are either
awesome or crazy or maybe both, hah but i just wanted to end on
one more cheesy note...

 i really do just love all the friends i meet when taking their pictures.
i get to see beautiful couples starting out their stories together and
families i can only hope and dream to be like someday. i always feel
like i learn something from them every single time i walk away from
a photo shoot. i have so much to learn and so far to go but i just
wanted to say thank you for inspiring me to be better.
don't ever give up on your beautiful families and keep on keeping on.

you guys rock. :)

film

i have done a few assignments in school here and there 

with film but i've wanted to get good at it for a long time.

and because my wonderful husband surprised me with 

a beautiful film camera for christmas,

i have no more excuses holding me back.

i hope you will bear with me as i learn.

we'll see how it goes. :)

here are a few from my very first roll of film...

my husband is a rockstar

3 reasons my husband is a rockstar

1. he puts up with me (that's huge people)

2. he is in a pretty awesome band

3. he played in his show last night even though he had 

food poisoning and felt like he was going to die.

i love this man with all of my heart

and it seriously kills me to see him so sick

but amazes me that he is studly enough to play anyway.

good job guys. you all did absolutley awesome.